Life…

When you grow up you have dreams. Dreams of being successful, powerful, you want to be someone who has importance.  You want and believe that your life will have meaning and that you make a difference in this world. In college hopefully through the experiences you have, hopefully you gain direction as to how you will impact the world around you. So you juggle through a series of majors in search of a way to be all that God intends, and to be honest all that you intend to be also. But when college is over sometimes life does not move in the way that you dreamed it would. That has been my experience. I feel called to relational ministry and God has confirmed that time and time again, and yet I am working in a customer service job that I feel has nothing to do with my calling. Although I am so grateful for my job,  and know that I am blessed to have full time work in this economy, I can understand a little more how the dreams we have can be smashed and how we just feel like we have to just move on and just life as it is. It is easier to accept like as it is and keep a little hope that your dreams will come true, than to go for it all or completely let go of it. I think it ok to be not be ok with your dreams/calling not falling in place,that is how I feel and it is ok to be discouraged, and it ok to mourn and grief life as it was. I miss my friends, going to youth camps, and the family I made while at SWU. I am also learning patience and also that where I am at now is a ministry, titleless but I can be a light to the people around me. I can come along side my co workers and let them vent to me, share their fears, share their frustrations, and share my own with them. We all have stories and we carry them around wanting to share them but too scared to move out of the fear to move into the light. Some days I feel like I have stepped in the past and the last four years have meant nothing if I am still where I don’t want to be, but I have to realize that I am moving forward and I am still searching for Jesus, and in my time of weakness he is strong, and then I realize that is never about being strong it is about dependence on Jesus at all times. Because to be honest how often are we really truly strong? If I am honest with myself I feel weak much more often than I feel that I have any strength in me. Anyways,  life is changing seasons and right now it feels like winter, but we don’t stay in one season forever! Thank God(seriously)! If anyone is actually reading this keep me in your prayers as I walk this journey and traveling in uncharted waters. I hope you sense hope, loss, pain,and faith in this post as I have all those feelings in my heart. Take care